Trash Day: Cheesy Historical Romance Edition (part the second)

I’ve decided to do a series of four blog posts chronicling my misadventures reading a piece of cheesy historical romance. Since the book in question (Susan Wiggs’s The Maiden of Ireland) is about 400 pages long, each post will cover roughly 100 pages of the novel. You can view part one of my torment here.

When we last left the main characters, the male hero Hawkins (who also happens to be a false priest in league with Oliver Cromwell) was just captured in battle by the female main character Caitlin (who has a not-so-secret identity as the leader of a group of Irish rebels).

Once they return to the castle, for some reason Caitlin’s father goes off to look for Irish priests. Because apparently that’s better than going off to hunt dragons or something. Regardless, this leaves the post of clan chieftan empty.

Of course this results in a furious debate over who should take over, because STATUS! RESPONSIBILITY! UNLIMITED POTATOES!

Somewhat unfeasibly, the only contestant everyone can agree on is Caitlin. Well, everyone except her sister’s disgruntled husband. Let that be a lesson: don’t stiff a guy when you owe him an entire herd of cattle. He storms off in a huff, practically trailing streams of foreshadowing. You could almost hear him doing his best Terminator impression.

She goes through initiation and investiture rights, which don’t involve wearing shoes or having your hair bound for some reason. With her newfound sense of responsibility dawning, Caitlin and Hawkins are getting closer, and just when you think they’re FINALLY going to get to have some raunchy fun…

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand of course they get interrupted just as they’re about to have sex for the first time. Well, at least as a priest the guy’s used to having a case of blue balls, but damn, that’s harsh. THIS IS WHY WE KNOCK, PEOPLE. Or you know, don’t have sex outside on a hill next to your very-crowded-with-refugees castle.

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